Facebook may not be the best way to make friends

A post on Facebook or a "tweet" on Twitter can't replace a hug.

While Facebook has enabled us to become more connected across geographic, cultural and generational divides, it’s also left many people, particularly the young, feeling more disconnected. ---Margie Warrell, Forbes

Click. I just unfriended some people on my Facebook page. Unfriending someone may sound cold and heartless, but to be honest, it was easier than I thought it would be. I felt no emotional pangs whatsoever. Besides, it made perfect sense under the circumstances. Except for incessant snippets and snapshot postings about "what's on [their] minds," I realized that I had no real connection to the people I unfriended. They weren't really my friends; they belonged to someone else. I added them because Facebook kept pushing me to do it, so I did.

In order to create a Facebook account, you have to add friends to your profile. My friends and your friends are Facebook's bread and butter. As the largest social media site in the world with 1.4 billion users, Facebook brings home 1 billion per quarter in advertising revenue thanks largely to the friends you and I feed into it. The more friends we add, the better Facebook likes us. Facebook gleans through the snippets of personal data we provide in our posts, sells the information to advertisers who then feed it back to us in the form of ads on our Facebook page. Adding insult to injury, some users have also been touting Facebook as a way for you to even make money off your friends.

But forget about Facebook's motives, the real danger here is what Facebook is doing to our ability as human beings to relate to each other in meaningful ways. Before Facebook, a friend was usually someone with whom you shared life, a history and emotional ties; someone you cared about and who cared about you. Facebook changed all that by creating a platform that promotes instant friendships between persons whose only real connection may indeed be in cyberspace. In his blog, "Social media, Pretend Friends and the Lie of False Intimacy," writer Jay Baer says:

Social media forces upon us a feeling of intimacy and closeness that doesn't actually exist....Is that what we want – spending considerable time building large networks of shallow connections, potentially at the expense of deepening a few cherished friendships upon which we can truly rely?

With social media users spending on average an aggregate of 700 billion minutes a month online, the opportunity to cultivate and nurture offline friendships diminishes. The generation mostly affected are 18 to 24 year-olds who comprise 98 percent of social media users. Wherever you look, nowadays, you see young adults with their faces buried in their android devices, presumably checking their Facebook page, rather than interacting with the people around them. I remember watching a young couple in a restaurant having dinner. Between bites of food, their attention was focused more on their smartphones than on each other. And they're not alone, some older adults are just as guilty of this behavior. I wonder what 'Dear Abby' would say about someone who constantly checks their phone when they're with you?

So where are we headed as a society in light of our dogged reliance and near obsession with social media connectivity. A study by the American Sociological Association suggests that we are heading down a dangerous path toward social isolation, if not social stagnation:

The evidence shows that Americans have fewer confidants and those ties are also more family-based than they used to be. This change indicates something that’s not good for our society. Ties with a close network of people create a safety net. --- Lynn Smith-Lovin, professor of Sociology at Duke University 

A post on Facebook or a "tweet" on Twitter can never replace a hug when you really need one. Hopefully, you have someone in your life who can fill the role of being there when you need them. When God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, he placed within their DNA a unique material property that seeks to pair up and replicate itself. God created Humankind to have a relationship with Him, and with other people. Belonging defines our place in this world. Life is made richer by mutually satisfying relationships that are nurtured over time.  We are defined by our relationships. Clearly, there needs to be a balance as well as a distinction between those relationships we create online and those we pursue in real life.

The people I unfriended from my Facebook page probably won't even miss me, or even realize that I'm gone. Well, no matter. No longer having to read their posts will give me more time to make a few more phone calls, send personal notes to friends I haven't connected with in awhile and join some real life friends for a game of cards. I'm sure Facebook will be waiting when I get back.

Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God’s intimate friendship blessed my house, when the Almighty was still with me and my children were around me --Job 29:4-5

Jeopardy!

Jeopardy is a popular television game show that rewards contestants when they guess the right question for a given answer. I used to be a Jeopardy fanatic. For years, I played along from the comfort of my living room, often guessing more right "questions" than I did wrong. I used to brag that if I ever got a chance to play for real, I could become Jeopardy champ and win a lot of money doing it. Then one day, I heard that the Jeopardy tryouts were coming to my hometown. This was my chance to go to Hollywood I told myself. So I signed up and reported for my big day.

The room was filled with a hundred other Jeopardy wannabees like me--BRAINIACS all. The tryouts were a process of elimination to determine who would ultimately get a chance to appear on the "real" show. The rules were read, and the game began. All I can say is, it was brutal. The answers were more difficult than any I'd ever had to face on the TV version. I didn't have a clue as to what the questions were. But neither did most of my competition. After about an hour when the cerebral dust had settled, one guy was left standing; and he only made it into the "second" round. I was deflated. It took a long time before I ever watched an episode of Jeopardy again.


Which brings me to the reason for this blog. Its about questions of a different sort. Did you know that there will be questions to answer in heaven? The bible tells us that everyone will have to give an account of himself or herself to God for the deeds done while in the body (Rom 14:12, Heb 4:13, 1 Peter 4:5). There's no escaping it. Like in a courtroom, every one of us will stand before God, the righteous judge, to be questioned by Him about what we did with our lives. And what you say, as well as not having anything to say, could very well put you in jeopardy.


If I had been able to get a hold of those Jeopardy answers in advance, I would have been better prepared to give the right questions. Unlike Jeopardy, God has given us the answers in advance, as well as, a lifetime to prepare. And not only that, He gave us a sinless role model in Jesus Christ to pattern our lives after; an infallible study guide, the Holy Bible, to help us clean up our lives; and a patient teacher, the Holy Spirit, to direct us. So, "[We] have everything we need for life and godliness," (2 Peter 1:3). How about it? Will you have the right answers when your turn comes before the righteous Judge? That's the question. What's your answer? Post a comment to share your thoughts.