Facebook may not be the best way to make friends

A post on Facebook or a "tweet" on Twitter can't replace a hug.

While Facebook has enabled us to become more connected across geographic, cultural and generational divides, it’s also left many people, particularly the young, feeling more disconnected. ---Margie Warrell, Forbes

Click. I just unfriended some people on my Facebook page. Unfriending someone may sound cold and heartless, but to be honest, it was easier than I thought it would be. I felt no emotional pangs whatsoever. Besides, it made perfect sense under the circumstances. Except for incessant snippets and snapshot postings about "what's on [their] minds," I realized that I had no real connection to the people I unfriended. They weren't really my friends; they belonged to someone else. I added them because Facebook kept pushing me to do it, so I did.

In order to create a Facebook account, you have to add friends to your profile. My friends and your friends are Facebook's bread and butter. As the largest social media site in the world with 1.4 billion users, Facebook brings home 1 billion per quarter in advertising revenue thanks largely to the friends you and I feed into it. The more friends we add, the better Facebook likes us. Facebook gleans through the snippets of personal data we provide in our posts, sells the information to advertisers who then feed it back to us in the form of ads on our Facebook page. Adding insult to injury, some users have also been touting Facebook as a way for you to even make money off your friends.

But forget about Facebook's motives, the real danger here is what Facebook is doing to our ability as human beings to relate to each other in meaningful ways. Before Facebook, a friend was usually someone with whom you shared life, a history and emotional ties; someone you cared about and who cared about you. Facebook changed all that by creating a platform that promotes instant friendships between persons whose only real connection may indeed be in cyberspace. In his blog, "Social media, Pretend Friends and the Lie of False Intimacy," writer Jay Baer says:

Social media forces upon us a feeling of intimacy and closeness that doesn't actually exist....Is that what we want – spending considerable time building large networks of shallow connections, potentially at the expense of deepening a few cherished friendships upon which we can truly rely?

With social media users spending on average an aggregate of 700 billion minutes a month online, the opportunity to cultivate and nurture offline friendships diminishes. The generation mostly affected are 18 to 24 year-olds who comprise 98 percent of social media users. Wherever you look, nowadays, you see young adults with their faces buried in their android devices, presumably checking their Facebook page, rather than interacting with the people around them. I remember watching a young couple in a restaurant having dinner. Between bites of food, their attention was focused more on their smartphones than on each other. And they're not alone, some older adults are just as guilty of this behavior. I wonder what 'Dear Abby' would say about someone who constantly checks their phone when they're with you?

So where are we headed as a society in light of our dogged reliance and near obsession with social media connectivity. A study by the American Sociological Association suggests that we are heading down a dangerous path toward social isolation, if not social stagnation:

The evidence shows that Americans have fewer confidants and those ties are also more family-based than they used to be. This change indicates something that’s not good for our society. Ties with a close network of people create a safety net. --- Lynn Smith-Lovin, professor of Sociology at Duke University 

A post on Facebook or a "tweet" on Twitter can never replace a hug when you really need one. Hopefully, you have someone in your life who can fill the role of being there when you need them. When God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, he placed within their DNA a unique material property that seeks to pair up and replicate itself. God created Humankind to have a relationship with Him, and with other people. Belonging defines our place in this world. Life is made richer by mutually satisfying relationships that are nurtured over time.  We are defined by our relationships. Clearly, there needs to be a balance as well as a distinction between those relationships we create online and those we pursue in real life.

The people I unfriended from my Facebook page probably won't even miss me, or even realize that I'm gone. Well, no matter. No longer having to read their posts will give me more time to make a few more phone calls, send personal notes to friends I haven't connected with in awhile and join some real life friends for a game of cards. I'm sure Facebook will be waiting when I get back.

Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God’s intimate friendship blessed my house, when the Almighty was still with me and my children were around me --Job 29:4-5

A Christmas Day miracle: When death took a detour

"Miracle - A surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency."  Webster's dictionary

I have always believed in miracles, and hoped for them in my life from time to time. Looking back I can think of a few divine interventions in answer to my prayers, but there is one that tops them all — the miracle I experienced in 2002 on Christmas Day.  I have never forgotten what the Lord did that day. I have vowed to re-post my story each Christmas so that some reader may find hope and comfort in knowing that God is with us to the very end. The following is a true account of my Christmas miracle.

By 2002, I had been caring for my mom for 22 years during her long battle with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). By far, our toughest battles came that year. MS had taken away my mom's ability to speak and made eating and swallowing difficult. At the same time, mom started having seizures that became life-threatening. As a result, she was hospitalized and given high doses of the drug phenobarbital to quell the seizure activity. We finally left the hospital after 12 days, just three days before Christmas.

Although mom couldn't speak, her eyes said she was glad to be back home. We both were. After making her comfortable in bed, I checked the newly inserted feeding tube in her abdomen, and left her room feeling a little exhausted. When I returned, I noticed that mom was staring intently  toward the window in her room paying no attention to the fact that I had reentered her room. This was not like her. I was standing at the side of her bed, calling her name, and she didn't even notice me. Instead, she continued to focus on the window at the foot of her bed. Oddly, she had the most radiant glow on her face like nothing I'd ever seen. It made me think that she was seeing something that my eyes could not see. So I stood there silently waiting until she finally turned to notice me. I asked no questions of her as I prepared to bed her for the night.

The next morning the home-care nurse came by to check mom's vital signs. After she left, I bathed, dressed, and transferred mom to her wheelchair. She was a little weak but happy to be out of bed after the long hospital ordeal. We had lost some ground in our fight against MS during this latest hospital stay, but I told mother that we were not going to let MS get the better of us; we were in this fight to the end. Later that afternoon, sitting in her wheelchair, mom closed her eyes and slipped quietly into an unexpected coma. It was Christmas Eve.

I knew things didn't look good at that point, but I made the decision not to take her back to the hospital. She had made her wishes known in a Living Will and I was determined I would honor it. Going back to the hospital was not an option for us. It was mother's wish and mine that when death came, he would find her in her home. Even so, I held out hope that somehow mom would pull through as she had done in the past. I called for the home-care nurse, but she never came. Next, I called my older sister, and waited. During the long hours that I was alone with mom, I held her hand and talked to her. I believed that even in a coma, she could still hear me. Later that evening, my sister joined me in a bedside vigil for our mother. Together we watched, her knowing more than me, that imminent death was poised to take our mother from us. I remember talking about keeping mom hydrated and needing Pedialyte from the drugstore. My sister volunteered to go. It was after midnight when she left for the 24-hour pharmacy just a few blocks away. She was gone for an usually long time, which made me wonder if she was somewhere crying? I looked out the window.  It was snowing. I realized then it was Christmas Day.

Returning to mom's bedside,I continued gently stroking her arm and squeezing her hand. As I did this, I was startled by how ice cold she had suddenly become— like the life blood had drained from of her body. I checked to see if she was still breathing. She was, but just barely. Her breathing had become shallow and raspy like air escaping from a tire. I hurried to the other side of the bed to check her 1,000 ml drainage bag. By now, it should have been full from all the fluids she had been receiving through the feeding tube. Instead, it was empty except for reddish-brown residue in the bottom. My immediate thought was that her kidneys had shut down. For the first time during this whole ordeal, I allowed myself to entertain the real possibility that mom was slipping away— that death was imminent. I wasn't ready to let go, yet I didn't know what else to do. So, I cried out:

"Mom, it's Christmas. Please don't die on Christmas Day."

Suddenly, I got the urge to go to the bathroom. When I returned mom's bedside moments later, I took hold of her hand again. I noticed that something was different. Her hand, which was ice cold only moments ago, was noticeably warmer. My hands began to work their way around the rest of her— arms, legs,  feet, forehead—her whole body was now feverishly hot. I quickly hurried to the other side of the bed to check the drainage bag. To my surprise, the drainage bag that had only moments ago been empty was bursting beyond its capacity with pale, yellow urine. At that moment, I was struck with the stark realization that God was in the midst; had He heard my plea and had performed this miracle. God stopped death in its tracks.

Only God can make death take a detour. Knowing my mother, I imagine that there was some  negotiation between her and God that day just outside the gates of Heaven. I can picture her holding up one finger and saying to God, "Please Father God, let me go back for one more night?"  
And just like that HE granted her request.

Mom died the next day on December 26 that afternoon. My sister and I were together as mom breathed her last. This story could have ended there were it not for Jesus Christ, who came into this world so that we could have life. Because of Jesus, life doesn't end in the grave. Whoever believes in Jesus Christ has eternal life. I can't wait to see mother again I want to ask her what really happened on that fateful Christmas Day.

Get in the boat: A tale of redemption

"For if a man belongs to Christ, he is a new person. The old life is gone. New life has begun." 1 Corinthians 5:17 NLV


One morning a man woke up and found himself all alone on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere with no idea how he got there. As he looked over his surroundings, he saw an old wooden marker lying face down in the sand. He picked it up, turned it over, and brushed away the sand to reveal these words painted on one side, "Island of Despair." The man had a sinking feeling that he was not in a good place. And that if he didn't find a way off this island, he would surely die there. But the island was surrounded by shark infested water. And he had no weapon to fight them off. From all he could see, his situation appeared to be hopeless.

It wasn't long before the man heard the sound of an airplane approaching. When the plane came near, the man started waving frantically hoping the plane's pilot would see him. As the plane flew over the island, the man watched a wooden crate fall from the plane's open cargo door and land in the sand a few feet from him. He ran over to retrieve it. Using a large rock, the man broke the crate open to reveal its contents. Inside he found several bottles of water, a hot meal and a Bible. Attached to the Bible was an unsigned note, which read: "This plane makes a food drop on this island every Friday at noon. We are praying for you." For now, the man was just grateful for a hot meal.

A week went by and the man realized that it was time for his next food drop. As he searched the sky for the plane, he could hear the sound of the plane's engines at a distance. Like clockwork, Friday at noon the plane flew over the island and dropped another wooden crate filled with water and a hot meal. Attached to a water bottle inside was an unsigned note, which read: "We're still praying for you."

The plane continued to drop food on the island every Friday at noon for as long as the man remained there, along with a note letting him know that someone was praying for him. But as long as the man got his weekly food drop, he seemed content to stay on the island. If he wanted to be rescued, he didn't act like it and did nothing to help his situation.

One Friday morning, the man awoke to darkening skies and the sound of thunder in the distance. A storm was coming. Thick dark clouds rolled in, and strong winds swirled over the island. The sea waves rose higher and higher and threatened to flood the tiny island. The man feared for his life. His eyes searched the sky anxiously for the plane; hoping the pilot would see the danger he was in and send help his way. With no place to hide from the storm, the man dug a deep hole in the sand with his hands and laid down in it. As the storm raged on around him, he remembered the words of a prayer he'd heard as a child and cried out, "Jesus, please help me."

At that exact moment, the man lifted his head and looked toward the sea. On the horizon he could just barely make out the shape of a tiny boat. It appeared to be aiming straight for the island. "Who'd be crazy enough to be out boating in this storm," the man thought to himself. It was the only boat he'd seen since being stranded on the island. The man kept his eyes on the boat as it came closer and closer.

Finally, the boat came close enough for the man to see that it was a small row boat with the word, "GRACE" painted on its side. The lone man inside the boat was steering it with a single oar. Under these conditions, it was a miracle the boat made it to the island at all. Thanks to the storm, the sharks were gone, but the huge rock formations that engulfed the island, kept the row boat from reaching land. This meant that if the man wanted to be rescued, he would have to get in the water and swim a short distance to reach the boat. The man knew this was his only chance, but looking at the high waves and choppy sea, he was afraid he wouldn't make it to the boat alive.

As he stood there staring toward the boat, the man in the boat called out to him, "I've come to save you. Don't be afraid. Trust me and get in the boat." (To be continued)...

The meaning of this story

The man in the story represents anyone who is facing a difficult time in their life. You may even feel there's no way out or that you have no one you can turn to for help. On the outside, you look like you're doing OK, but on the inside, you're empty and hurting. Something's not right and you know it. You wonder if you're going to make it. 

The island represents separation from God. You may be on that island right now. The sharks represent sin. When we disobey or do things that go against God, God calls it sin. Sin messes up your life. It traps you, trips you up and you find yourself all alone in a mess of your own making. Because of Adam, everyone is born in sin; but then, like Cain, we commit sins of our own that need God's forgiveness.

The plane represents God's mercy and the crate, God's provision. God still loves us no matter what we may have done. He's not out to condemn us. The Bible says that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8 NIV).

The man in the boat represents Jesus. Jesus was sent by God to rescue humankind from its sins. The Bible says, "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16 NIV)." Jesus is God's provision for our sins. Jesus risked his own life by dying on the Cross so that our past, present and future sins could be forgiven by God.

The rocks surrounding the island represent the things that keep us from coming to Jesus and accepting the salvation that God wants so freely to give to us. We let lustful desires and the sinful pleasures of this world keep us from coming to Christ. Other hindrances may include pride, anger at God, guilt, fear, or low self-esteem (not feeling you're worthy enough). You would be wrong on all counts. The Bible says that "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved (Acts 2:21 NIV)." It doesn't matter who you are, or what country you live in; what language you speak or even your family's religion. It's a choice you must make for yourself, which God you will serve.

How does the story end

When we paused the story earlier, the man on the island was trying to decide if he was going to risk everything, get in the water and swim to the boat; or remain on the island and wait for a more convenient time to be rescued. The question is how does he know if he will ever have another chance to be rescued? The answer is, he doesn't know. That's the risk (the risk of doing nothing) he is taking by putting his decision off. 

If this were your story, how would it end? You have a choice between  accepting the salvation God offers through Jesus Christ or rejecting it. The Bible says "Today if you hear his [God's] voice, do not harden your hearts...(Hebrews 3:15 NIV)." What are you waiting for? Jesus is waiting to rescue you. There may never be a better time in your life than right now.