Gun control: What the world needs now is love

"What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of." Songwriter, Hal David

At the core of every man, woman and child, no matter who they are or where they were born is a need to be loved. Love is a fundamental need of human existence much like food, water and shelter. God wired us that way. If there was more love in the world, many of the horrid things we see happening now --- despicable, disgusting, degrading things---would not be happening.

 

The Newtown school shooting is the latest in a string of mind numbing  violent incidents of unspeakable horror that have gripped America's heart in 2012. Before Newtown, there was the Oregon Mall shooting...before that the UPS shooting in Minneapolis...before that the shooting at a Sikh Temple in Wisconsin...before that the shooting at a Colorado movie theater ..before that the campus shooting in Oikos and now Newtown. Mercifully, the death toll from all these incidents stands at 56 lives lost, not counting the gunmen who took their own lives.

 

America once again finds itself in a state of shock, grief and denial. Shock at such a senseless act of violence; grief over the deaths of 20 innocent children and 6 adults; and denial about how much we ourselves are to blame. While we grieve with those who grieve, much of what is happening in this country is of our own making. As President Obama correctly observed during a vigil for those slain in the Newtown massacre, "We [as a nation] will have to change."

 

Unlike the "change you can believe in" that this President promised we'd see four years ago, our collective national outrage demands swifter action if America is to change for the better. What would a changed America look like?

 

This may be a radical idea but returning prayer to the schools would signal real change in America. When prayer was outlawed in the classroom in the 50's, the downward spiral of our education system began. Too many classrooms today resemble battlefields marked by undisciplined and disruptive students, poor academic achievement and high dropout rates. Ask any teacher, parent, or even student, allowing prayer back might help change the atmosphere.

 

We are a nation that has lost its way. Our moral compass is broken. We have shifted from the biblical principles and ideals upon which this nation was founded. Do we even know what we stand for anymore? For America to change for the better, our government will have to set the example starting at the very top. President Obama and Congress must lead the way. Putting politics aside, they must become the peacemakers to bring us together. The Bible says, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." And neither will this nation unless we put our differences aside and come together as "one nation under God."

 

We must limit those freedoms that are being exploited and used to undermine our society. The right to bear arms is one. Many are calling for stricter gun control laws but guns are not the problem ---people are. Back in the day when America was a vast uncharted wasteland and the settlers were easy prey, it made sense for every household to have guns. Today, we are more advanced and have military and police forces to assume the burden of protecting us. Nowadays, there is less reason for individuals to stockpile an arsenal of military grade weapons; less reason for such weapons to be available to ordinary citizens; and no reason for them to wind up in the hands of criminals and mentally challenged individuals as easily as they did in Newtown and in other situations.

 

Speech is another freedom being exploited, particularly by the writers, producers and performers of  "entertainment." These purveyers of our culture expose our children to unwholesome images of sex, violence, pornography and other forms of human depravity. And we wonder why bad things are happening to us? Where do we draw the line at freedom of speech? Our enemies are watching us. Russian dictator Josef Stalin once said of America: "America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within." 

 

Clearly, if we are to survive as a nation, it cannot be business as usual in America going forward. We cannot continue as we have been and risk losing future generations to violence. We must return to the former things that got us to where we are today --- faith, family and freedom. More important, we must turn back to God: "If my people will humble themselves...I will heal their land." 

Lovesick: How to make your relationship work for you

“A wife must put her husband first. This is her duty as a follower of the Lord. A husband must love his wife and not abuse her." Colossians 3:18-19 CEV

After year-long rumors of a marital split, Baltimore-born actress Jada Pinkett-Smith and actor Will Smith are finally speaking out. Both gave recent, albeit separate, interviews publicly denying the tabloid reports that they are divorcing. What a relief. To their many fans, Will and Jada are publicly the perfect couple. If they can’t make it, who can? In today’s culture, it’s getting harder to find a true, meaningful, lasting relationship, let alone to maintain it. Surprisingly, after 37 years of steady increase, the rate of divorce in America is finally decreasing. But not because relationships are getting better; it's because fewer couples are getting married. Instead, more couples are choosing the less legally binding, non-committed arrangement of living together. Added to this is the fact that the number of young, single, unwed mothers has risen sharply in recent years. According to a recent New York Times article, more than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage. In the words of Bob Dylan, Times they are a changin .

What is a love starved, lovesick man or woman to do in light of such grim prospects for the perfect hook-up? Certainly, the 70's mantra “love the one you’re with” is not the answer. Forget Cinderella and Prince Charming. Get your head out of the clouds and come back to reality. If you want a good relationship, you've got to work for it and work at it. Animals copulate, humans commit. God's highest and best intention when he created man and woman was for them to be joined together as one flesh. But before there can be oneness there must be wholeness. Wholeness is when two complete individuals come together in relationship and embrace the totality of what they can be as a couple. Before you try to couple with someone else, first get to know who YOU are. Go deep. Engage in some introspection and soul searching. Explore all the aspects of your being. Know what you want your life to be regardless of whether you are coupled or not.

In most cases, in order to get the most out of the experience, you'll need to engage in exploratory relationships to learn what you like and don't like; and to get the feedback you need from others. A word of wisdom. So as not to cloud your judgement or distort your perspective, it would be advisable for you not to engage in pre-marital sex as part of relationship exploration. Don't give in to a moment's desire and ruin your chance at future happiness. As Polonius advised his son, Laertes in Shakespeare's Hamlet: “This above all, to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." What Polonius is saying is "[be] loyal to your own best interests." Relationships fail when one party (or both) gives more or settles for less than he or she deserves; or lowers his or her personal standards for the sake of being in the relationship.

A problem arises when we enter relationships without really knowing the other person or what we want out of the relationship. Initially, we may be attracted to the obvious---good (acceptable) looks, sex, money, intelligence, sense of humor, job, potential, how we’re treated---these qualities are part of the attractiveness, but may not survive past the “glow” phase. The “glow” phase being that brief period (usually 6 to 12 months if that long) during the early stages of a relationship when both sides are on their best behavior. Through rose colored glasses, anything he or she does or says looks good. The obvious red flags are largely ignored, excused, or swept under the rug for the sake of getting along. And in the language of avoidance, "Let's move on" becomes a learned way of dealing with conflict only to have it resurface at some point in the future. Unresolved conflict poisons relationships.

When this happens, it is only a matter of time before the big reveal....that's when you find yourself in a relationship with someone you really don’t know or even worse, discover you don’t really like. Tina Turner's anthem, “What’s love got to do with it,” celebrates a kind of incidental, superficial love that lacks any hope of permanence. The song, which was a huge hit for Turner, ushered in the New Age concept of love and commitment., which differs greatly from what the Bible teaches us about love. Some relationships start out with a romantic ideal but soon the harsh realities take their toll; and the relationship begins to slowly unravel. If you are in an unhappy relationship, there is help for you. If you are now or have ever been a victim of an abusive relationship, there is help for you.

So what’s a woman or man, girl or boy to do to avoid the pitfall of relationship hell? Once again, it starts with you. Create a list of your best and worst qualities, along with a list of your likes and dislikes. Relationship expert, Dr. Neal Clark Warren, founder of EHarmony, calls them your “must haves and can’t stands.” Imagine how clear your choice of mate would be if only you decided in advance what you need and want in your relationships and what you don’t need and don’t want. Using food as an example, if you "can't stand" avocado you are unlikely to ever buy it, be attracted to it or be enticed by it. As for "must haves," if you know that milk is something you must have before going to bed each night you will make a deliberate effort to always keep it on hand.
 
But there are deeper, more fundamental issues that should be addressed beforehand because of their long-term consequences for the relationship. Issues such as communication, emotional maturity, compatibility, stability, work ethic, family and criminal background, and health to name a few. Add whatever else may be important to you. Write down your “must haves” and “can’t stands” under each category. Use these as a yardstick for measuring potential relationship choices. For example, if you can’t stand cigarette smoke, don’t choose someone who smokes.

Getting someone to quit an undesirable habit is a lot harder than choosing to be in relationship with someone who doesn’t have the behavior you object to. Or if you are a “feelings” kind of person and expressing feelings is a must have for you don’t choose someone who is emotionally unavailable (unable or afraid to express feelings). It will only lead to untold frustration and unhappiness for both of you. A final word of advice about your list. Establish a priority ranking of the items on your list so that most of what's important to you is at the top in the event you have to compromise on some of the lesser qualities that may not necessarily be deal breakers. Remember, you can't change anyone, but God can. In the end, relationships all come down to this,

Serenity Prayer

God grant me

The serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

The courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

The Greatest Love of All

I remember when I first heard the song, "The Greatest Love of All" sung by one of the most gifted singers of all time, the late Whitney Houston. I embraced the words of that song like it was a personal anthem. The song was written by Philadelphia native Linda Creed in 1977. It talks about strength and courage in the face of struggle. At the time she wrote it, Creed was battling breast cancer that eventually took her life. She was 36. In all the recent tributes and talk about Houston's musical legacy, this song is often mentioned among her greatest. But I wonder if it really deserves the praise it receives.  

Every body's searching for a hero

People need someone to look up to

I never found anyone to fulfill my needs

A lonely place to be

 So I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago never to walk in any one's shadow

If I fail, if I succeed

At least I'll live as I believe

No matter what they take from me

They can't take away my dignity

The song ends with this refrain,

The greatest love of all

Is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself

Is the greatest love of all

Technically speaking, it's a beautifully crafted song. However, my problem is with the message that it conveys. This song encourages you to think more highly of yourself than you should, and also, only of yourself.  It invites you to be selfish and self-centered to the exclusion of all others. Isn't that what's wrong with the culture today? We have become more selfish and self-centered. Whitney Houston lived these lyrics to the hilt and it killed her. I, too, took those lyrics to heart 35 years ago and it nearly killed me.  The difference is, in the midst of my madness I found Jesus, the greatest lover of them all, who died for my sins to save my soul. God's love pulled me back from the brink of destruction. His love is the greatest love of all.

Nowhere is love illustrated, demonstrated and celebrated more than in the holy Bible. There we read about God's love for the world, for mankind, for us individually, and for the church. And we learn what true, genuine, unconditional love is. This kind of love is lacking in the world, and in so much of our lives today. You won't find it in a Valentine card, flowers or a box of candy. These things are nice to give and to get. Romantic love is temporary (here today, gone tomorrow), but God's love is eternal (everlasting). So sad that in her brief, tumultuous life, Whitney Houston never found anyone or anything to fulfill her needs ---not Bobby Brown, not drugs, not alcohol, not fame, not fortune. That empty place in our hearts can only be filled by Jesus Christ. Salvation is a process whereby your life changes over time as you allow the Holy Spirit to produce his fruit in you. None of us is perfected yet. We all have flaws that we wish we didn't have. And some of us still sin even after accepting Christ. But our God, by His grace, mercy and love, still offers us the opportunity to be reconciled to Him through Jesus Christ. Now if that isn't the greatest love of all, I don't know what is.

Note: Read this article on love based on Rom 12:9-13. Go to  http://bible.org/seriespage/what-thing-called-love-romans-129-13