Love well: how to cultivate a healthy relationship

“In order to be involved in the world in a healthy way, you have to have healthy relationships.” Poet Haki Madhubuti
“Brain about to burst at the seams of unspoken thoughts. Two people, each in their own eyesight, blameless. Although confessing in hindsight, better choices could have made conflict unnecessary.” Poet Carolyn K. Erwin

Rodney Peete and Holly Robinson Peete (Getty Photos)

Nowadays, it seems that more people are looking for love in all the wrong places, for all the wrong reasons, and as a result, winding up with the wrong people in their lives. In my previous article, “Lovesick: how to make your relationship work for you,” I talked about what it takes to have a meaningful and lasting relationship. In this article, I talk about what you can do to begin cultivating a healthy relationship.

The foundation for a healthy relationship begins with you. For starters, ask yourself the following questions (Later, the same or similar questions may be asked of the other person):

1. What do I want from a relationship? (List your top five)
2. What do I want my life to be now and in the future?
3. What are my five best and worst qualities that I bring to a relationship?
4. In thinking about a potential partner, what are my “must haves” and “can’t stands”?
5. In a relationship, what are my likes and dislikes? (Consider any qualities, behaviors or character traits you would want in the other person)

If you’ve been honest with yourself, you should now know a lot more about what you need and want in a relationship. And more important, you should have a better picture of the type of man or woman who would potentially be a compatible match for you. Sometimes, however, a poor self-image or other dysfunctional inclination, will cause you to be attracted (sometimes repeatedly) to someone who is emotionally, psychologically or an otherwise unhealthy choice for you. If this sounds like you, consider this advice from relationship coach, Dr. Amy Johnson . First recognize the problem, then take deliberate steps to change the pattern of behavior that leads to it. Depending on the extent of the problem, it may require that you seek professional help. There is no shame in that. The object is for you to be healthy so that you can attract healthy relationships.

If you are spiritually minded, the Bible also has much to say, in general, on the subject of relationships; and the book of Proverbs offers specific advice on relationships of the heart. “Listen to counsel and receive instruction that you may be wise in your latter days" (Proverbs 19:20). In hindsight, how many would be willing to admit that your relationships might have turned out differently if only you had followed this path? Well, knowing what you know now, it’s not too late to start over.